Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
