mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
