I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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