i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
