This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
