I cockslap morals
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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