i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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