i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
whose parrot is this?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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