My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
