absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
