HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
