There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
