I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
