I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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