Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
