well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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