if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
