He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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