How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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