all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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