I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
