We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
