Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize