We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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