Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
