You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
