gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
