I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
