I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
