i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
