I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
did i just pee glitter
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
