Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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