This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
