Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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