i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Semen is not good for contacts.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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