I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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