did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
