this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
