Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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