His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
