May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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