Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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