shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
