i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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