At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
