just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
