I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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