Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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