This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
