dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
