so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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