Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
