She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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