its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
