I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
