Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I supernannyed him into submission
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
