remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
