Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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