So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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