Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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