I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
