Can i not drive my cunt home
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
