It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
