thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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