someone threw a dead crab at me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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