How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
