I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
