That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
