Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
