No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
