So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
